A humble-brag moment

A bazillion years ago, my dream was to be a police officer.  I think i decided this around the age of 15.  

So many would snarl, do a puke face, ask “why the hell would you WANT to be a damn PIG!?”

The answer?

Because i wanted to.

Then, life got flipped, turned upside down, and i joined a band and stayed out of town.  (see what i did there?)

Anyway, i still wanted to be an officer that whole time.  Aaaaaaand, well, a few more years pass….anyone out there who has met me at least once, knows that my back is a pile of shit.  I was 28 when i had my 1st spinal surgery.  

Goodbye to my police officer dreams, for sure.  

After several more surgeries and titanium installed that helped but only for a very short while, i finally became fucked up enough to qualify for having a spinal neuro stimulator installed.  Which i now refer to as, “a computer installed, just above my ass, with cables and leads up to my head.”

 My ass computer tells my brain, “your chronic pain is less, your legs will now work properly, you wont drag your leg, and your posture will no longer be so shitty….but dont forget to charge me, and always keep your remote with you and charged, or you’re screwed.”

Besides still being tender from a rather invasive surgery, my ass computer amd i are doing very well.

So, i took my happy ass down the road, and i did it.  I applied for a sheriff’s deputy position.

In my interview, i explained to the chief my medical issues then i showed him the remote to my ass computer, and i showed him how it works.  He was totally impressed with the modern technology.  

I felt good about the interview when i left, but i had a nagging feeling that Id get a letter in the mail that i was turned down because they’d likely see me as a liability.

Well, i got the letter in the mail.  I was scared to open it.  I aint even kidding. I was sweating and shaking and shit.

Dear Jeri,  (paraphrasing)

It is my privilege to inform you that you have been accepted to participate in the (whatever number) Class of the Sheriff’s Academy. 

At 36 years old, I’m finally doing it.  With my charged ass computer and my charged remote with me, every “step” of the way. 

Man.  I can’t wait til road school.  “Blues Brothers” mall scene immediately comes to mind. Hahahahaha!

YOU’RE not what’s important!  WE are.  I finally exploded my opinion, grammar mistakes and all, maybe 2 months ago, and I still stand by every damn word….and cuss word.

​Well… I certainly got fired up first thing this morning.  

***gets typing hands ready***

Ya know?  I wanted to mention this anyway today…. Last night, Steve and i watched “Act of Valor.”  Honestly, i hadnt even heard of this movie before.  It caught my attention, I bought it, we watched it, and steve and i were speechless.  I cried.  I also puffed my chest out with pride, admiration, and security.

Sure, the “acting” is a little rough in places but hey, these “actors” were actually Active Duty Navy SEALs and this was their “tribute to the skills, courage and tenacity of the world’s most revered warriors.”  

Maybe my perspectives are a bit too spread out for some of you when it comes to combat, but I’ll be damned if I’ll ever lose sight of the men and women in our military.

I dont want war or “conflict” to continue or to erupt.  I dont thrive on the “Kill! Kill! Kill!”  But, you better believe that i know better than to think war and conflict, wont happen on American soil, or with our allies, and that our military doesn’t need to be sent to intervene.  

Yes, we all know that not everyone comes back.  Even when they do, they’ll never be the same.

That hurts.  

The men and women born with the skills and hunger to rescue, capture, defend, attack, suffer, and willing to sign a contract to be always faithful, (Semper Fi) are clearly aware of the target on their back. 

But guess what?  They arent the only one’s with a target on their back!  Our entire country, and then some, is a target.  Insane extremist geniuses are working their asses off to hit it, too.  And to hit it big.

Go ahead and protest, bitch and moan, write a long ass facebook post, whatever.  Fine.  I actually tend to support the free will of laying your own points of view out there because I’m more than willing to learn something and consider MOST everyone’s take on the matters, and debate while STILL willing to try and see your points.  That makes me, and others like me, easier to get along with, and that’s how conflicts come to negotiations and then to a meeting of the minds.

But dont you dare shit out your own extremist views and try and hit me with your narrowminded, finite bullshit while there are leaders who are willing to TRY and see valid points, in the hopes of finding methods that work.  

Not methods that make every single American happy!  Sorry….you’re not that important.  WE are.

Jeezus, im sweating.

Anyway, Vietnam was horseshit, yes.  But, i want you to think about this…..

Americans were sent into their territory, and followed orders, however barbaric they were (or became) and guess what also developed during all of this.  Snipers.  “Charlie” and major bloodshed in retaliation, resistance, and a different belief system.  They were killing us off and ambushing with precision.  They were defending their homeland!  Just like we would!  No, i take that back.  Just like we SHOULD.  

Not every Vietnamese was a sniper.  Not every American is a sniper.  

But you can bet your free American ass that any sniper, ours or theirs, followed a powerful instinct to take back and protect what’s theirs and without that instinct, we, as a nation, would emplode.

And sometimes, instincts or not, we just need to leave everything and get the fuck back home.


Not everyone can lead a nation.  Thank God, right?  But, extremists aside, we CAN just shut the hell up and talk!  And what i mean by that is, if you dont have any points in regards to conflict resolution, but all you want to do is bitch until someone else makes something happen YOUR way at all costs, just shut up, you fucking brat.  You’re no better than our extremist adversaries….and they’re probably a better shot.

In the meantime, I’ll be over here proud of our men and women who do a hell of a sight more than just bitch and stomp their feet while absorbing the positives that the combat of others still provide.

Be fucking thankful, asshole!  And be faithful!  And shut the hell up!  And talk!….that is, again, unless you have nothing to contribute towards what will work, which should not be replaced or confused with what YOU WANT.  You’re not that damn special.

(calm down.  Im sure I’ll edit the shit out of this once I drink a Redbull.  Edit, as in, re-word to drive my points home.  Not, edit, as in, take back anything Ive said.  It’s a free country.  I can do that.)

And, thank you.  But not you, you little brat.

Almost hit by a car made me pissed about more things

I had to park, like, 800000 miles away in the Kroger parking lot.  That’s enough to piss me off anyway.  Plus, it’s 100 damn degrees.  This is already starting out kinda shitty, you’ll notice.

Im dragging ass and getting closer and closer to my air conditioned destination, and SKREEEEEEEECH!

That bastard nearly hit me!  I wasnt even in his way!  How the hell???

Well, Mr. Important figured he could speed around a vehicle that was patiently waiting for another vehicle to leave so they could have the parking spot next.  Mr. Impatient didnt see me beside the waiting car.

Then. THEN!  The fucker yells at me to move!  So, i yawned, did a nice stretch, and shook my head, “nope.”

HE, needs to follow rules and etiquette, AND NOT EXPECT EVERYONE ELSE TO WATCH OUT FOR HIM! 

Then, it reminded me of when i was a youngen, and had to ride the bus to school.  

Bottom line, if your ass wasnt at your bus stop, you missed the damn bus.  The bus wasnt waiting for you to show up.  Oh hell no.

Not anymore.  Ive seen school buses sit at bus stops, toot the horn, wait a lil longer, “toot toot” again, then leave very slowly.  Wtf?

Generation, “I’ll survive because everyone else looks out for me.”


I’ve got enough shit to do.  

Let me snort some helium, your call is important to us

I’ll never understand this…

Apparently, there’s been some confusion.  Something, or someone somewhere, has told a ton of women, “if you work in customer service, you MUST refer to your babiest baby voice while on the phone.”

Yes, it’s very important to be pleasant, and polite, and speak clearly over the phone.  A baby voice, is none of those things!

When I’m calling a business about my, let’s say, insurance policy, I don’t want to get the impression that I’m speaking to a prepubescent girl about such important, grown up stuff.  I mean, what the hell would she know about the complicated world of insurance if she’s 11?

Give me a polite, confident sounding woman, dammit!

Please, and thank you.


Wedgies, swirlies, and black eyes, are just the half of it!

It seems you cant go an entire day without hearing the word, “bully.”

Im not just irritated with its overuse, for that’s a subject for another blog….

I’m mostly pissed that the focus of bullying is only on the victims.

If you want to “stomp out bullying” and be a true supporter and advocate of stopping the abuse, how about taking a moment to consider what might be feeding a person (bully) with so much anger that they’re lashing out on what they perceive as the perfect target?

Dont you think something serious is going on if someone is tormenting another human being?

While the victims of true bullying are being supported and kept afloat with counseling after they’ve been destroyed with abuse, what’s going on with the bullies in the mean time?  What is tormenting THEM?  It’s something!

Are they emulating abuse they’re witnessing somewhere else?  Is someone abusing them?  Do they need neurological attention?  What has them so angry, and so full of rage?

Call me crazy, but I think they need rescue, too.

You cant “stomp” out bullying (or anything else, for that matter) by addressing parts of the issue.

I want to help the other half.






*takes a look around….taps a few times on the mic…..clears throat……ahem!….”


Took a pregnant pause from blogging because I was waaaaay busy with a bunch of shit all at once.  I think they call that, “life getting in the way.”


Since life wants to keep on a’keepin on (which aint a terrible thing) I’ll multitask the shit out of it a little more than usual!

Stand by for horse shit!

(Im truly excited to get back to blogging again!)

Yall come back now, ya’hear?

Hail to the…oh, wait…nevermind.

I reckon the Washington Redskins are going to need a new fight song to go along with their new name, now  This pisses me off.

I’m an 80’s kid, and Joe Theismann (originally pronounced, Thees-man, before changing it to, Thighs-man, just so it would rhyme with, Heisman…as in, the Heisman Trophey…which he didn’t win) was my idol.  I had his jersey and everything.  And, oh my God when Lawrence Taylor broke his leg….  my tiny little 4 year old heart broke into tiny little pieces.  My hero was done, forever.  I still wore his jersey, though.

I clearly remember hearing “Hail To The Redskins” playing during the football games.  Hell, I remember hearing it on the radio.  I sang along like a real badass, too.  I still sing along to it, and sometimes I’ll even do a little solo act when the spirit moves me.

So, what happens now?  I guess with this new name change, I’ll never hear it again.  Glad that’s been ripped away.  *sarcasm*

Part 2

Before I get cranked up on Part 2, let me mention something.   Addiction is NOT bias.  It can sink its venomous fangs into anyone, and its mission is to take you out.  My heart aches for those suffering this disease.  Especially those who are desperate to fight their way out from under it.  Addiction puts up a relentless fight and it fights dirty.

I consider myself one of the lucky one’s who, so far, has survived the fight of prescription pain killer addiction.  I say, “so far” because sobriety doesn’t mean you’re out of the woods, and safe.  Addiction is always ready and waiting to strike again, and it could be right around the corner….you just don’t know which one.


The doctor shopping, pharmacy shopping, and drug seeking is done by addicts.  The sober ones don’t do any of this.  So why is there so much focus on stopping the shopping and seeking, and not addiction prevention?

Why wait until someone is addicted?!

There’s a serious issue going on, and nobody is talking about it.  Pain is being treated instead of what’s causing the pain, way too often.  Doctors everywhere are fine with using pain medication as a long term treatment plan for pain.  ANYONE on pain killers long enough, WILL become addicted.

Here’s my story, for example…

I had classic symptoms of several ruptured discs that were crushing nerves throughout my spine.  I also had MRI’s proving this.  I can’t explain the pain I was dealing with.  I’ll just say, my legs felt like they were being crushed.  I saw doctor after doctor for help correcting the obvious reasons I was in so much pain.  I would hand them my MRI’s and they’d take a look, and I’d hear the same thing from each one of them.  “You’re too young for these types of problems.  What you’re complaining of just doesn’t happen to people your age.”  Then I was handed a prescription.

Sure, the pain pills felt nice.  Not giving much of a damn about anything for a few hours was pretty kick ass. Not only was my pain numbed, but so was my mind.  I could finally sleep a few hours without waking up from leg and back pain, too.  I was able to get things done a bit better as long as I took my pain killers.

This awesome feeling is extremely temporary.  The pain numbing, and euphoria starts to weaken as the body builds up a tolerance.  So, what does that mean?  It means the pain comes back.  And, it comes back because the source of the pain was never addressed.

When my crushed leg sensations came back, I was sent to pain management.  The beast of all pain medications were prescribed as long as I wizzed in a cup for drug testing.  I’d become tolerant of one medication, then put on another. Then another.

I was absolutely miserable and I hated my life so I took the bull by the horns and made my own appointments, this time with local neurosurgeons and orthopedic surgeons.  I didn’t bother going back to doctors for a referral.  I already tried that route, remember?

The surgeons would take a look at my MRI films and they’d acknowledge my obvious reasons for pain.  More refusals to fix the problem, but more than happy to send me back to pain management.

As long as my back issues weren’t fixed, I’d stay in pain.  As long as I was in pain, I’d be back to see my pain specialist.  As long as I was addicted, I’d be back to see my pain specialist.  WHY IS THIS OKAY?!?!?

Masking the pain needs to stop being the focus!  The reason for the pain needs to be the focus and treated.




(Yes, I know there is such a thing as there being nothing to fix on some people.  I’m not an idiot.  A war hero with his legs blown completely off, will suffer pain, both mentally and physically, for the rest of his life.  My heart breaks that their pain is forever.  There’s nothing to fix to stop their pain.  I’m actually brought to tears over this. Their choices are to either endure the revolving door of pain management and addiction, or refuse the pain killers and suffer anyway.  Someone like me with a condition that can be treated, shouldn’t be lumped in with this situation, by any means.)

(I was finally blessed with a surgeon who didn’t refuse to help  me.  He was actually excited to help me.  He wasn’t local.  My spine ended up being much worse than what the MRI’s showed.  I’ve been without pain killers for over a year. The weaning off of the pain killers was brutal, to say the least.  I have limited mobility, and there’s things I just can’t do anymore…but, I have my legs back, and my sobriety back…and really cool titanium scaffolding in my back.  I wonder where I’d be now had I continued to just mask the pain?…)


Part 1. (participate so i can finish Part 2)

I read an article today about prescription pain killer (narcotics) addiction, drug seeking, doctor shopping, pharmacy shopping, and how this is locally becoming a very serious and rapidly growing epidemic.

If you’re not familiar with any of these terms, I’ll give you a brief rundown.  Doctor shopping usually means going to new doctors to score a prescription for pain killers while already having another doctor, somewhere else, also prescribing you pain killers.

Doctor shopping can also mean, you go through several doctors until you find one that prescribes narcotics, all willy-nilly for the slightest of aches and pains.  You’ve hit the mother load if you end up finding several willy-nilly types.

If your doctor shopping is successful, you now have to pharmacy shop.

Using more than one  pharmacy to fill the several different prescriptions you scored,  keeps you from getting busted.  I mean damn…If you hand the pharmacist 3 prescriptions from 3 different doctors, and they’re all for pain killers…yeah, you just wasted your day.

Drug seeking typically means you’ve either run out of pain killers, or you’re damn close to running out, and you have to get something RIGHT NOW before you go into withdrawals. You’ll do what you’ve gotta do to get them.  Emergency rooms are known to be full of drug seekers with bullshit complaints of pain and/or injuries, hoping to get a dose, usually an injection, of pain killer.  It’s a drug seeker’s lucky day if they get a dose while at the ER, then sent home with a prescription to fill, too!

Still with me?

As I was saying, I was reading the article about all of this today.  Then, I decided to browse through the comments people submitted regarding this issue.  It annoyed the shit out of me.

The majority of the comments were about how there needs to be a mandatory networking system of all doctors, and all pharmacies.  This required networking is said to keep people from having more than he legally should.

Are you shittin’ me?!?  All this does is keep pharmacies from being involved!

There were also a few comments saying “we” need to help these addicts!  And, there needs to be more rehab centers.  Getting these addicted people some help, will stop the doctor shopping, and yadda yadda.  Okay, maybe so…

But, how did all of these addicts get their START?  Seriously, I want to know.  How the hell did this happen???

If you’re a recovering pain pill addict, or currently battling the disease of addiction, I want to hear about the very beginnings.

If you’ve never experienced pain pill addiction…. well, I’d like to hear your theories as to how you THINK pain pill addiction happens.

Part 2 of this blog is coming up….  it’s possible that I just might blow your mind.